In 2014, I choose to be positive.
In 2013, I chose not to write anything whatsoever. Even though I am sure I had plenty that I wanted to say. But in 2014, I choose to be positive.
In the past 2 days, I could have been side swiped by "merging" vehicles on no fewer than 5 occasions. It is a possibility every time you are on the road. It is also irritating.
But it is really not worth the anger and the negative feelings that linger for the next 10 minutes as you work out how to retaliate. God, if they even noticed that they potentially endangered your life, they are long past it and I am sure they don't care how you feel.
"Friend A", with whom I shared lunch today, asked if I had beeped at any of them. I replied that I had not. Why bother? What would I achieve? I braked, I avoided an incident, I got on with my task of driving. Oh, and I avoided further proximity issues with those who are not superior drivers such as myself. Noone died, noone was hurt, accidents happen and this (these) caused nothing.
Positivity is easy.
At lunch, Friend A brought up something that "Friend B" had said several weeks back. Namely, two Saturdays ago. B had noticed a comment on Facebook where I had mentioned my partner's birthday. A had been invited over, along with a few other friends of my PARTNER. A simple dinner and time together. A nice evening with people who all got along well.
B felt put out that he had not been invited and wanted A to speak to me about this. (Mind you, he had 3 birthday events last year and excluded me from each of them.) I replied to A, that B is not a friend of my partner. Nor has he attempted at any point to make himself a friend of my partner. Furthermore, I am not about to suggest people that my partner should invite to birthdays.
The topic ended.
But it no longer annoys me. In fact, I am letting it all go. I have been frustrated for several years by my former group of close friends. Wondering why I was not worthy of inclusion at the regular lunches. What I had done to distance myself. What I could do to repair the situation. But it no longer annoys me.
It no longer annoys me because I am who I am. I am who I was before, when we were close. I am who I was, when my former partner and myself were mutual friends. I did my best to balance the need to rid myself of a former relationship and retain the people that mattered. But if I matter less to them, it is them. Not me.
I have many and varied faults. I can be difficult to get along with. I have certain trigger issues and I can be demanding.
That makes me a human being.
I also have a whole bunch of great qualities.A lot of people also see those.
I realised some time ago that I was not cool. I have never been cool. Despite playing a guitar. Despite being a part time DJ. Despite everything I tried to do, cool and I do not mix. Accepting that and loving the people who don't need me to be cool. That is positive. And it feels liberating.
Friend B is a very long term friend. He knows a lot about me. But I do not need to continue tallying who did or didn't do this. It is petty. And it is negative. And I don't need it. So I choose to free myself from all of that stuff. I value the friendships but I understand that the chapter has changed and a new book is being written. They can be characters in the new book. But they are in a supporting role, where they don't create the events and drama. Or not at all.
Because in 2014, I choose to be positive.
In the car, back from lunch, Friend A and I had a great conversation. About life and the things that shaped who we are. The things that potentially ruined the future for us. I don't think I have expressed my "issues" so frankly before.
It felt great.
It made me feel the need to restart writing. Expressing. Letting go. Moving forward. So this is part one of healing.
Because 2014 is the year where I will let it go.
Because in 2014, I choose to be positive.
In 2013, I chose not to write anything whatsoever. Even though I am sure I had plenty that I wanted to say. But in 2014, I choose to be positive.
In the past 2 days, I could have been side swiped by "merging" vehicles on no fewer than 5 occasions. It is a possibility every time you are on the road. It is also irritating.
But it is really not worth the anger and the negative feelings that linger for the next 10 minutes as you work out how to retaliate. God, if they even noticed that they potentially endangered your life, they are long past it and I am sure they don't care how you feel.
"Friend A", with whom I shared lunch today, asked if I had beeped at any of them. I replied that I had not. Why bother? What would I achieve? I braked, I avoided an incident, I got on with my task of driving. Oh, and I avoided further proximity issues with those who are not superior drivers such as myself. Noone died, noone was hurt, accidents happen and this (these) caused nothing.
Positivity is easy.
At lunch, Friend A brought up something that "Friend B" had said several weeks back. Namely, two Saturdays ago. B had noticed a comment on Facebook where I had mentioned my partner's birthday. A had been invited over, along with a few other friends of my PARTNER. A simple dinner and time together. A nice evening with people who all got along well.
B felt put out that he had not been invited and wanted A to speak to me about this. (Mind you, he had 3 birthday events last year and excluded me from each of them.) I replied to A, that B is not a friend of my partner. Nor has he attempted at any point to make himself a friend of my partner. Furthermore, I am not about to suggest people that my partner should invite to birthdays.
The topic ended.
But it no longer annoys me. In fact, I am letting it all go. I have been frustrated for several years by my former group of close friends. Wondering why I was not worthy of inclusion at the regular lunches. What I had done to distance myself. What I could do to repair the situation. But it no longer annoys me.
It no longer annoys me because I am who I am. I am who I was before, when we were close. I am who I was, when my former partner and myself were mutual friends. I did my best to balance the need to rid myself of a former relationship and retain the people that mattered. But if I matter less to them, it is them. Not me.
I have many and varied faults. I can be difficult to get along with. I have certain trigger issues and I can be demanding.
That makes me a human being.
I also have a whole bunch of great qualities.A lot of people also see those.
I realised some time ago that I was not cool. I have never been cool. Despite playing a guitar. Despite being a part time DJ. Despite everything I tried to do, cool and I do not mix. Accepting that and loving the people who don't need me to be cool. That is positive. And it feels liberating.
Friend B is a very long term friend. He knows a lot about me. But I do not need to continue tallying who did or didn't do this. It is petty. And it is negative. And I don't need it. So I choose to free myself from all of that stuff. I value the friendships but I understand that the chapter has changed and a new book is being written. They can be characters in the new book. But they are in a supporting role, where they don't create the events and drama. Or not at all.
Because in 2014, I choose to be positive.
In the car, back from lunch, Friend A and I had a great conversation. About life and the things that shaped who we are. The things that potentially ruined the future for us. I don't think I have expressed my "issues" so frankly before.
It felt great.
It made me feel the need to restart writing. Expressing. Letting go. Moving forward. So this is part one of healing.
Because 2014 is the year where I will let it go.
Because in 2014, I choose to be positive.
