Ovation of the Seas

I have not posted anything for a while. I guess life got a bit busy!

However, it's time to review-

Royal Caribbean's newest ship. Ovation of the Seas.

I cruised out of Sydney on this ship, on a 10 night New Years trip to New Zealand.
For the first time, the ship was the drawcard rather than the destination. A new megaship, with the facilities and features that made every minute an experience.

Did it live up to expectations?

First impressions often colour the way you feel about a journey. Our first moments were mixed. We were able to find a check in agent outside of the Overseas Passenger Terminal; they were able to quickly and effectively check us in, within five minutes of our 11:30 check in time. We were then told that there were delays for cleaning and that we would not be able to start lining up for the ship until 1:30.
Not such a big deal, Sydney is a beautiful city, nice to just wander in.
1:30 was not so pretty though. All of the 11:30 check ins, the 12:00s, 12:30s, 1:00s and 1:30s, all clamouring towards the gates as they were opening. It is always sad to watch the uncivilised nature of people as soon as there is a queue, The pushing in, the shoving, the ego driven strive to be first, best, ultimate.
People, get a grip, we're all getting on!
This was not the fault of Royal  Caribbean of course. But if the cleaning is going to cause these delays on Boarding day every time, maybe they need to change the times that you are able to check in. Many people were so angry before they even got on the ship. I was still excited enough to get on, admittedly less so after the 2 hours it took to get from terminal door to ship galley.

Straight up to the stateroom and I was very pleased. We had booked an "obstructed" balcony room. The obstruction being the tender/ life boat which hung just below the view of Deck 6 (which we were on). Did it obstruct anything? Not really; it was clearly there but it didn't stop any of the great views.

The room is spacious, with plenty of storage. A lounge next to the balcony door. Very nice. The best stateroom I have stayed in over 5 cruises so far. PS The balcony door slides sideways. NOT out or inwards. That took us 5 minutes to work out!

We headed straight back to the ship iPads to book into the things that we wanted to do.

Wonderland and the shows we had booked before the trip, which I would recommend for anyone travelling on this ship.
The NorthStar Experience and I Fly had to be booked on the ship, it was easy enough to do, but many time slots were sparse. I imagine that they were all booked out in the half hour after we got onboard.

The 10 days raced by, to be honest. So many things to do, so many memories. I will try to go through everything.

Dining

Windjammer Marketplace: This is the buffet area of the ship, up on Deck 14. They have a range of food stations, with various types of foods; salads, bakery, mains, American favourites and desserts.
Most of which was fairly tasty and filling. Except for the bread;  how does the bread always taste stale!? AVOID.
The Hamburger and Hot Dog station had a constant queue. I could never work out why they didn't have two of this station and less of the slow moving items. But what would I know?
The desserts were less numerous than I have seen on other cruises. But there was always at least one thing I liked.

There was also the Solarium Buffet on deck 14. I imagine it is much the same, we were never able to find an availability there so I can not confirm.

American Icon Grill/ Silk: These two restaurants are on Deck 4. They are the two "My Time" Dining options. We had a standing booking for 6:30 pm, but we eventually cancelled these bookings and just turned up when we were hungry. They obviously take the bookings first, but it doesn't take very long to get in.

Both of these restaurants have the same menu and it changes every night. There are a variety of meat/ seafood and vegetarian options every night. I can't complain about any of the meals here. Except the seafood vol-au-vent. THAT was overpowering. But how can I blame anyone but myself, I rarely touch seafood so this was not the time to become adventurous.

Grande/ Chic Restaurant: Deck 3. These were specific seating, or "traditional" cruise restaurants, so we did not use these at evening dining times. I did often start my day with Grande's Eggs Benedict, whereas Chic had the buffet breakfast option. Nothing special.
Decor is nice, classy, cruise like.
American Icon is like an upmarket diner look. Silk is very red!

There are plenty of other food options around the ship. Sorrentos is the pizza restaurant on Deck 4. No ham and pineapple. But tasty enough. Next door is Cafe Promenade, with little pastries and cupcakes. In a similar vein, at the other end of the ship, the Two70 Cafe has light meals, pastries and coffees (for a cost).

Specialty Restaurants are around Deck 4 and 5. Jamie's Italian and Izumi Japanese seemed very popular, but we did not try these. However, we spent our New Years Eve dinner time at

WONDERLAND
What an experience!
The mismatched furniture, the keys hanging from the roof, the over the top styling. You generally don't ask for that when you go out, but it really works here. You paint the menus to find out what is on offer (although having the menu outside on a TV screen sort of spoils the fun, doesn't it?) and even then you may not actually know what it means.
We put our dining experience into the hands of the waiter, and I think that is the best way to take this one on. We didn't know what was what, what was good. We allowed random things to arrive. And arrive they did. Over and over, waves of new and exciting little morsels, presented in away that we would have never imagined. Things that I would never order off a menu. Lobster balls. Crabmeat in an icecream cone. Raw tuna in a lime, covered in ice, vegetables that looked like they are part of a jungle, with the soil to rest in.
Then the mains. Delicious chicken, beef, fish and pork belly. If I ever taste beef like that again in my life I will cry.

Dessert just continues the ride. Delicious cake, icecream treats and Baked Alaska.

Anyone going on this ship, book into Wonderland. It is completely worth the price.

Entertainment:
There are three production shows on Ovation.

Live Love Legs is a cabaret type show, in the Royal Theatre. It is spectacular. Feathers and sequins, dancing and flying (well, with strings.) Abs, long legs, skin. It was all very professional, but as is the case in most onboard shows, it is just visual and no storyline. But all in all, an enjoyable auditory and visual experience.

The Beautiful Dream is way most dramatic and atmospheric. It uses the same cast (who had showed themselves to be arrogant wankers when out in ports, but that's not the point of the story.), but without the abs or the fancy outfits. It was all very drab. That was the idea. This was a tale that had a storyline, of a man dreaming of the wife he lost years before. With dragons and trains and a ship rocking across the ocean. It was all well done. Although, it seemed like they threw out the plot 2/3 of the way through and it went back to being the normal sing song show. Again, though, it was professionally done. And very enjoyable.

Pixels is the production show held in Two70. It utilises the room's intelligent video screens. They are certainly visually arresting. It is very cleverly done. And I can appreciate that whoever put the show together listened to some music outside of the regular dross. (Royksopp and Robyn's "Monument" and Pet Shop Boys' "Inside a Dream" were amongst the tracks used.) The two main singers were very good and everyone worked together well. I think for many guests, however, this one would be a bit hit and miss.

Apart from the shows, there were a number of other guest performers and comedians, all of whom were competent and very good at their craft.
Despite this, it sometimes felt like the show element of the cruise was slightly lacking. Improved over time but we were very non-plussed for a few days.

The bands are very professional. Very good at what they do. I loved getting a chance to sing on stage with "Rock the Boat", think I did ok.

Attractions:

You like them or you don't like them, you want to do them or you don't. So I will just give some observations.

Flo Rider: This is the surfing simulator on Deck 15. I didn't do it myself. Can't stand up on a board to save myself. It did look fun. But I am not sure it was worth $95 for a session.

I Fly; The skydiving simulator. This was free. But it was for all of a single minute so I guess you get what you don't pay for. It was fun enough. One slight issue though. When I booked the time slot, it said 3:20- 5:05. This looked, to me, like you could turn up during this time and join the next group. It did not. I turned up at 3:40 and was told I was late and might not be able to be accommodated. Fortunately, the next group had plenty of no shows. I think they need to make things MUCH clearer.

NorthStar Experience; This is the pod that lifts you 90 metres above the ship, where you see... Well, we saw ocean and rain. But it was interesting enough.

Bumper Cars: Never got on this. The slots available for this activity were few and far between. Besides this, every time you turned up, the line was already up and around the whole SeaPlex complex. That's great when you can get one person to stand in line and hold your place for an hour, some of us are travelling as much smaller numbers and in the end, I just didn't care enough. However, it seems stupid that you have to sign up for so many other things, but not this. That would have at least given every person who wanted to have a turn, to in fact have a turn.

Other:

Drinks Packages: You really need to drink a lot to get value out of these drink packages. And believe me, many people did!
We only ordered the soda package. There are a number of soda refill stations around the ship, in Sorrentos, Windjammer and Seaplex. My issue with these: you fill up once, sometimes twice, then it told you that you would have to wait for 2 hours before you could use your cup again. How is this unlimited, Royal Caribbean?

Bionic Bar: Well, it's kinda cool. Except I was watching the screens waiting for my drink to come up and then suddenly it got made by the wrong robot. Dammit, I wanted to watch my drink getting made.

Karaoke: There was plenty of it. The crowd was a lot of fun. Singing was a lot of fun. But the song list was fairly atrocious. No Beatles, no Prince. Very limited. Not under Royal Caribbean's control apparently.


Finally, the Destinations.
As I said, this was more about the ship than the destination.
However, the destinations were the area where this ship did not perform satisfactorily. For example, Wellington. The capital city of New Zealand. With a 5 hour stopover! 5 hours? So, you can get something done in  that time. However, there has been damage to the passenger port, meaning that the ship docked at the working port and we had to be bussed in to the city. This was an absolute nightmare. Arriving at 1 pm, we were not able to get off the ship until almost 330, with a departure time of 630pm. Was it even worth getting out? We did, then it poured and we came back anyway. But it was handled VERY badly. On top of that, the RCI refrain of "it's not our fault" does nothing to calm angry passengers in these situations.

The embark/ disembark saga was the same in every port. It was slow, it was complicated, it was annoying. The staff involved in getting you on and off were the rudest and most unpleasant on the whole ship. Guess that's why you only see them for 10 seconds at a time, couldn't employ them any other places on the ship.

Speaking of staff, over 90% of them are friendly, courteous and extremely helpful. Some of the Chinese staff, in particular, seem to be struggling with their English, I'm sure they come into their own during the Asia legs of the ship's journey.
The main let down was the Cruise Director's staff. They were on the whole uninterested, disengaged and slightly dismissive. Zoe was the main exception to this rule. However, the one Chinese guy who spent time sitting on the pokies and ignoring guests while he was meant to be supervising disembarkation, he made me really mad. I did complain about him but they were a bit "oh well, not our problem". He sort of is, actually.

Would I travel on this cruise ship again? I am sure, but it would be for the ship and destinations next time. Or maybe, another of their similar ships. It really was enjoyable overall, with only slight complaints which should definitely not take away from the experience.

Hope this is a useful critique.
Happy travels

xx

Grindr

I avoided Grindr for a long time.

Firstly because I didn't need it.
Secondly because its shallow and wastes time.
But primarily, because despite the first two points, my addictive personality feeds into things like this and puts too much thought into the actions of people who should not matter to me. Strangers who are only interested in one thing.

I met my partner through a chat room. Many other people have too.
Although I would have liked to, I have very limited relationships with people that were formed in "traditional" ways; at parties, introduced by friends, even at a bar. I don't have the self esteem or the courage to attempt those things. Actually, not true. I GENERALLY do not have the courage and on the few times that I have worked up the courage to speak to someone in "normal" situations, I have ended up regretting that I even bothered.
(Raf's birthday where the person I liked just walked off to cooler people)
(The time I left the Shift with someone, only to be left standing on the street corner, after buying us both pizza, as he jumped in a taxi home.)

Chat rooms served their purpose. They made me some friendships. They got me some dates. They also got more short term experiences. I don't regret it.
They also brought a whole heap of heartache. I am not one who deals well with rejection or rudeness. I felt the stigma of being a "westie" constantly. Too far to be of any use to the city folk. Tell me how far Parramatta is from you and I will still react. And I was much further than Parramatta before.

It was just before I travelled to Georgia and Armenia this year that I installed Grindr onto my tablet. The reason was simple: I was fascinated to see how the app was being used in countries where being "out and proud" is hardly a safe option.
In addition, I am someone who likes to chat to people. Ok, these apps don't necessarily bring conversationalists. But I like to try.
I failed. There was no chatting. There were very direct responses or messages from David Beckham, Alexander Rybak, Cristiano Ronaldo. At least  I presume it was from them, that's who I recognised from the profile pictures.

Next stop was Austria, for Eurovision. Where you would presume a lot of Grindr messages were going on. And I am sure they were. They were not to me though. I really did get to feeling 40! Not to mention the other things that were physically going on around me that week and I really did feel like I was on a whole different wavelength to the entire population.

I should have deleted the damn app after that, but I didn't.
In Phuket, the messaging was fairly constant. But again, they didn't seem to want to have a conversation. And the insinuation that I was no longer an attractive and worthwhile (even if not so young anymore) male and instead an open wallet, did upset me a bit.

So back in Parramatta.... and up to the present.
I met someone who lives 2 streets away this week. Through messaging on Grindr. However, I was upfront about myself and what I was using the app for. We agreed on dinner and chat and hopefully a friendship. I hope that it will continue to turn out that way. I was relieved to find that he had many of the qualities that I saw as positive from myself. In fact, many of my characteristics fullstop.

To the point that I feel like I am holding a conversation with myself, about 15 years ago, at times.

And here's where that is a bad thing!

I saw these apps as something that would have really helped someone like me, back when I was younger. To feel better about myself and to feel like there were people around. Interested people. It may have been superficial. But it would have been good for me.

Grindr, however, does my head in. Because people actually believe their own bullshit.

* Make sure you reply if I message you. You are rude if you don't.
( Guess what response I got when I actually messaged him....)

* I am not superficial at all.
( I messaged this guy, who responded with " Why would I speak to you, old man? This isn't Thailand you know". That sounds sort of... ummmm.... superficial...?)

* I am only looking to make friends
(This guy replied that I am not their type, which interests me, as I didn't know you could work out common interests and our ability to converse from my photo.)

And then of course there are the other 90%, who don't even bother with replying to you if you send a message.
Thank God for my first point, that I do not NEED this app.

Many profile pictures on Grindr (and the like) are simply body shots. It shits me that these faceless cowards are so quick to judge those of us with a face, without the worry of getting the same treatment in return.
I am growing more comfortable with how I look as I grow older. I'm no model but I am doing ok to look my age and get fit. Something I have to keep in mind when on these apps.

Which brings me back to my new friend.
He is in his late 20s. He is single. He is white, tall, friendly... and with that same damaging self worth crisis that I had. That is made a million times worse by relying on grindr to feel attractive.

Why did I believe these technologies would have made me happier?
If anything, the users on there are more bitchy, judgemental and rude than any of us were back in the chat room days. It is clear that any sort of lasting commitment is long gone to this bunch. It seems that people have forgotten that at some point you get lazy and put on weight, you age and get wrinkles, and you end up alone. Because the only people you have bothered to attract are your superficial dickhead party friends.
And this new friend of mine is searching for a little more than that. Where the hell can you find that any more?

I felt really depressed today. He asked me if he is good enough.
I think he is better than most of them to be honest. But that is not going to be a comfort to him. It wasn't for me.
I think I am sad because I am now finding myself staring at younger me, and having to say:

Nope. It doesn't get better.
You just learn to hide the scars.

New Year, New Attitude

In 2014, I choose to be positive.
In 2013, I chose not to write anything whatsoever. Even though I am sure I had plenty that I wanted to say. But in 2014, I choose to be positive.

In the past 2 days, I could have been side swiped by "merging" vehicles on no fewer than 5 occasions. It is a possibility every time you are on the road. It is also irritating.
But it is really not worth the anger and the negative feelings that linger for the next 10 minutes as you work out how to retaliate. God, if they even noticed that they potentially endangered your life, they are long past it and I am sure they don't care how you feel.
"Friend A", with whom I shared lunch today, asked if I had beeped at any of them. I replied that I had not. Why bother? What would I achieve? I braked, I avoided an incident, I got on with my task of driving. Oh, and I avoided further proximity issues with those who are not superior drivers such as myself. Noone died, noone was hurt, accidents happen and this (these) caused nothing.

Positivity is easy.

At lunch, Friend A brought up something that "Friend B" had said several weeks back. Namely, two Saturdays ago. B had noticed a comment on Facebook where I had mentioned my partner's birthday. A had been invited over, along with a few other friends of my PARTNER. A simple dinner and time together. A nice evening with people who all got along well.
B felt put out that he had not been invited and wanted A to speak to me about this. (Mind you, he had 3 birthday events last year and excluded me from each of them.) I replied to A, that B is not a friend of my partner. Nor has he attempted at any point to make himself a friend of my partner. Furthermore, I am not about to suggest people that my partner should invite to birthdays.
The topic ended.
But it no longer annoys me. In fact, I am letting it all go. I have been frustrated for several years by my former group of close friends. Wondering why I was not worthy of inclusion at the regular lunches. What I had done to distance myself. What I could do to repair the situation. But it no longer annoys me.

It no longer annoys me because I am who I am. I am who I was before, when we were close. I am who I was, when my former partner and myself were mutual friends. I did my best to balance the need to rid myself of a former relationship and retain the people that mattered. But if I matter less to them, it is them. Not me.
I have many and varied faults. I can be difficult to get along with. I have certain trigger issues and I can be demanding.
That makes me a human being.
I also have a whole bunch of great qualities.A lot of people also see those.

I realised some time ago that I was not cool. I have never been cool. Despite playing a guitar. Despite being a part time DJ. Despite everything I tried to do, cool and I do not mix. Accepting that and loving the people who don't need me to be cool. That is positive. And it feels liberating.

Friend B is a very long term friend. He knows a lot about me. But I do not need to continue tallying who did or didn't do this. It is petty. And it is negative. And I don't need it. So I choose to free myself from all of that stuff. I value the friendships but I understand that the chapter has changed and a new book is being written. They can be characters in the new book. But they are in a supporting role, where they don't create the events and drama. Or not at all.
Because in 2014, I choose to be positive.

In the car, back from lunch, Friend A and I had a great conversation. About life and the things that shaped who we are. The things that potentially ruined the future for us. I don't think I have expressed my "issues" so frankly before.
It felt great.
It made me feel the need to restart writing. Expressing. Letting go. Moving forward. So this is part one of healing.
Because 2014 is the year where I will let it go.
Because in 2014, I choose to be positive.

Good day, 2013.

Hello peoples. Hello 2013.

It seems like yesterday I was watching Pet Shop Boys from the comfort of my living room and ringing in 2012 and now, as with every one before it, the year has slipped away.

It was a year like every other year before it. Day followed night, night followed day, weekends fitted neatly at the end of sometimes overly long weeks. 366 days. (I suppose we don't see that every year.)

It was a year where we musically looked towards South Korea. (Didn't see that one coming.) It won't happen again, of this I am certain.
It was a year when we were uncertain about our Earth's fate, although I don't think too many of us were completely petrified.

For me, it was the year I lost my beautiful boy, Ruslan. This was a lowlight and I still miss him. But, as is always the case, the sun shines again and we continue to carry on and look forward.

It was also a rough year for me at work. For the first half of the year, anyway. Things definately improved over the second half, for which I am thankful. I am positive about the coming year. But I am not ready to broach it just yet. A few more weeks off first.
Work is made more bearable by the people you surround yourselves with whilst you are there. I work with some fantastic people, in my classroom and within the wider school community. People who work in tandem with me professionally. More importantly, people who care about how I feel on any given day. I hope I provide the same daily and emotional support to them as I feel that I receive.
Of course, that is not everyone and you will never get on with everybody. Specific mention to the newest colleague with whom I interact on a regular basis. With cake pops.

PS Cake Pops and chocolate are on the banned list for a time, while I try to get to the bottom of my breathing issues. They crop up and irritate me off and on and hopefully I can control them more this year.

I have shared time with some very special and important friends over the year and shared in their highs and lows. I hope this continues for many years. Looking forward to September 2013 Baltic Cruise and hope we have some more takers/ partakers!

New Year's Eve was spent at a Nepalese restaurant in Newtown. Not something I can say I have ever done before. It was fantastic. Enjoyed some great food and wonderful company. Intelligent conversation and amusing anecdotes. I feel grateful that I have connections and friendships in a variety of areas and they fulfil my life.

Thanks everybody.
Happy New Year.

Jacintha, Pranks and Bullying....

The 2 Day FM Jacintha Saldanha incident has turned into an enormous mess. An enormous, horrible, needless mess. Thousands of kilometres away, and without any relationship to anyone involved, I have burst into tears about it several times. This may say more about my current mental state than anything else, but it is still a terrible incident that brings to light the practices of radio that continue to poke fun at innocent people.

It is seen as "innocent fun" on radio.
But it is often seen as "innocent fun" at school, in class or the playground as well. There are rarely consequences quite as serious as this weekend's incident, but they are scarring emotionally.

I work with students who are in the firing line for "innocent fun" all the time. Year 2 girls who encourage my students to pick their noses, then getting people to watch and laugh. Or who throw a basketball on the roof, knowing that one of my students will climb up there to retrieve it; to do "the right thing". These things are funny for juvenile minds. They are abhorrent to me, but they are part of being a child I suppose. I crack down on the behaviour, but I am only one person.

But where do children learn pranks? Their parents. And.... the media.
And the media needs to start being a little more responsible for the messages they are passing onto people.

Anyway, who exactly finds prank calls funny? I find them cringeworthy and often offensive.

Yes. They have been around for decades.
No. That doesn't make it ok.

Pranks do not take into account the psychological and emotional state of the victim. And there is no justifiable apology when something goes wrong. Because it should not happen in the first place.

In this case, there are several other questions worth asking...

1. How would these 2 Dj's (and everyone involved) have felt if they were put through and found out there had been a miscarriage? Would it have been funny then?
2. Has ANYONE thought about what Prince William has been through? Is it not enough that his mother was hounded by the media; her every move scrutinised and her death horrible, as well as horribly televised? Does he need for his wife's condition to be used as a joke as well?

Sure. He gets a lot of perks in his position of birth.
But he actually never asked for it.

Kim Kardashian asked for it.
Lindsay Lohan asked for it.

To an extent, Kate has asked for it, in that she went into her marriage knowing her privacy was over. But William. Does he need this? For his child to be born in the dark shadow of another needless death.

Some people are questioning the nurse's mental state before the incident. I am not. Maybe she was highly strung. It is a stressful job.
But I do not doubt for one second, that being placed in a position looking after a member of the Royal Family, comes with it some enormous stress. Stress that none of us will ever understand. To then be pranked and, let's face it, ridiculed WORLD WIDE... would you cope with it?
I wouldn't.
The shame that woman would have felt. What a low and horrible few days she must have experienced. Not to mention the treatment she would have received at work, no matter how much the hospital claims that "no action was taken." Rubbish! She would have been at least spoken to about being "foolish" if not worse.

This incident should make many people think. Hopefully it makes everybody think. There is a fine line between "harmless fun" and bullying. There is a fine line between humour and tragedy. And we do not know what the consequences of our actions are until they happen.

One last note: those dj's will be back soon enough. Nothing surer. We will know what they are made of the next time they are asked to make a prank call.
I watched the Current Affair interview tonight. I think they were well trained to answer the questions. But I do not think they answered honestly. They "wanted to be hung up on?" They were "not proud of their coup?" That's why the clip was played over and over all week.

I hope this stuff is over.

Holiday Vibe

You know when nothing major really happens, but you think to yourself, "maybe I should not have woken up today"? Well, Cancun is giving me that feeling consistently. Possibly through no fault of its own. Just silly little things that have been happening.

I don't know if I "vibed" myself into being a little negative on the flight across. The flight attendant, before we took off, warned us about the Taxi scams and the theft. And I spent 2 hours of flying time thinking about not being ripped off by taxi drivers.
In the end the shuttle price was ok. not great, but ok. $24 US return. What puzzled me was the shocked expression when I tried to pay in pesos.

The hotel is at km4 on the Kukulcan Blvd. Which basically means 5 km from where it starts. Oops. I figured one end of Cancun was just like the other end. Which is may be. But I am guessing the middle of the Blvd is probably better than either end.
However, better just means louder and more expensive so I think i am going to get past that. There are a few small restaurants near the hotel so they will be fine.

I went for a short night walk last night. I got to the 5 km mark and walked down to the private beach there. Couldn't see anything. It was night after all. Then it started to rain. So I briskly walked to one of those local restaurants, about 300 metres from my hotel. Had some steak tacos, which were yummy. But I will not be putting the sauce on them ever again. Aiyahh! I felt the burn.

It was right on the kerb outside the restaurant where a passing bus hit the puddle. It is the same thing as the beginning credits to "Sex and the City" where Carrie cops a drenching. but hers had nothing on mine! This wave went over my head and covered me. I really wish I could have watched it back. In hindsight it would have been some top class Funniest Home Videos work.

Somewhere along the way I also managed to lose 150 pesos. It was in my pocket with the camera. I have to assume that at some point I managed to pull the money out with the camera and.... hope you enjoy it Senor Mexicano. It's my gift to you.

I hung out the soaking clothes on the balcony of my room. Did some internet surfing then went back upstairs. There is only access in the lobby. But that's ok. Got ready to sleep and went to check on the clothes. No pants! Yes, they had been blown off the balcony. They were six floors down on the ground. But I was changed out of clothes and tired, so I decided to go down first thing in the morning.

First thing in the morning, the pants were gone. Hope you enjoy them, Senor Mexicano. They are my gift to you.

So, new pants then and off to explore the place. It was nice, flat walk along the Boulevarde. Though the views for most of it is just hotel facades. I got myself from Km 4 all the way to 11.5, past the party area and down to the Convenience store for back up refreshment, before returning. Halfway back, I realised that thongs were really the wrong idea for a 15 kilometre walk. My toes were really starting to hurt. They still are. Plus I have a really hard patch on the bottom of my right foot. It'll heal.

Upon getting back to the hotel, I also realised that no matter what, my feet are always going to end up looking like I have not applied sunscreen. They are so red. The rest of me is fine. I did apply. I did reapply. But I guess my feet are so used to shelter that they overreact.

So there it is. Nothing at all dramatic. But just the wrong vibe. Cancun is a little lost on me though, to be honest. I don't think I am at the age of "Phils gone wild" any more. Will go for a dip in the Caribbean later this arv though. That is essential!

Old Prejudices Die Slowly

There was an interesting conversation in the staff room yesterday. It wasn't the one about the cost of pizzas. But it came somewhere in that discussion somehow. Or perhaps it just interupted the enthralling Pizza Comparison.
A student (I believe ex student) was being discussed; his behaviour and his issues. The question was asked, "You know he's got two dads?"
Of course, when such a question is asked my ears prick up. Because the responses that follow can really say a lot about the mentality of the people that I am surrounded by.

The responses, on this occasion, were slightly odd. But not overly surprising.
Teacher One asked, "What does that mean?"
When explained, another commented, "Oh I just thought his mum must have remarried."
Tame.
And then...
"His father is actually quite good looking, which is a shame."

And then my favourite:
"No wonder he is confused and acting out then. He would have to be trying to work it out, it's wrong."
I have always sensed that this particular teacher's husband was unnecessarily hostile towards me in social situations. I guess I need not wonder any longer.

Another teacher, before commenting, apologised to me with that "No offense" thing that people always do. Honestly though, I don't actually give a shit about outdated opinions or religion delivered beliefs. It is shallow and unresearched.

However, it is still a large reality in our "first world". Movements are being made. Things are slowly changing. But minds do not turn so quickly. This whole conversation made me think about the issue that has been on my mind for perhaps a year. Maybe more. The adoption issue.

I think that I actually would have been a fairly good father. Sometimes I am a little unstable in my behaviour, but I think a child would actually have sorted me out a bit on that score. I think I would have been firm but fair. I would not have stood for some of the nonsense that I see from some parents out in the community. My child/ children would have known respect, manners and common decency. They would have known right and wrong and they would have known that actions have consequences. Unfortunately, as demonstrated in a Primary School Staffroom yesterday, they would have known prejudice and ridicule as a result of their parent. They would be seen as abnormal and lesser people, and any imperfections would be blamed on the sexual preference of their dad. For all of the wanting that I may have had for a child, either my own or through adoption, my overwhelming fear was that I would cause a child to suffer needlessly, because of who or what I am.

I know a lot of lesbian couples, gay couples and single gay men and women are choosing to have children. This is a right that has now been granted, grudgingly. And I am happy for those who are happy to add to their family. I am sure that their children are not going without love, affection, education and protection. From where I sit, however, there remains so much prejudice, so much hate and poison; I could not allow a child into this world to be subjected to it. All the love in the world can not hide a society's hate. So, it is something I am resigned to living without.

Most of the time I am satisfied with my decision.
Sometimes I wonder though.
I could have remained in a relationship some years ago and been a co-parent of several children. Was I wrong to walk away from that? Sometimes I wonder.

But not on days where I hear such ridiculous and nasty things from educated, apparently intelligent people. On those days I know that I am protecting myself and my unknown offspring from the world of pain that continues to exist and break down all the love, care and self esteem that you can try to create for them.